| 1. |
How did you find out about God? |
__ Newspaper
__ Tabloid
__ Television
__ The Internet
__ Direct mail advertisement
__ Telephone solicitation
|
__ Word of mouth
__ Divine inspiration
__ Near death experience
__ Communist Manifesto
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other (please specify): ___________________ |
| 2. |
Which model God did you purchase? |
__ Yahweh
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Allah
__ Satan |
__ Gaia
__ God
__ Goa'uld System Lord
__ Father, Son, and Holy Ghost bundle
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
|
| 3. |
Which free owner's manual did you choose,
if any? |
__ Bhagavad-Gita
__ Qur'an |
__ Torah
__ Bible
|
| 4. |
Did your God come to you with all parts in
good working order and all requested attributes? |
__ Yes
|
__ No |
If no, please describe the problems you
encountered.
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| 5. |
What factors were relevant in your decision
to purchase a God? Please check all that apply. |
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Wanted to anger my parents
__ Like organ music
__ Needed a day away from work
|
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Need for certainty
__ Need to feel morally superior
__ Dislike thinking for myself
__ Fear of murder by a missionary
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it |
| 6. |
Have you ever worshipped a God before? |
__ Yes
|
__ No |
| If
so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply. |
__ Odin
__ Cthulhu
__ Zeus
__ Apollo
__ Ra
__ The Sun
__ The Moon
__ The Bomb
|
__ The almighty dollar
__ Left wing liberalism
__ The Great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ Barney, The Big Purple Dinosaur
__ Bill Clinton
__ A burning turnip
__ Other (please specify): ___________________ |
| 7. |
Are you currently using any other source of
inspiration in addition to your God? Please check all that apply. |
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Tea leaves
__ Pyramids
__ Crystals
__ Dr. Laura Schlessinger
__ Psychic Friends Network
|
__ Pat Robertson
__ Larry Flynt
__ Self-help books
__ Biorhythms
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, drugs, and rock & roll
__ Human sacrifice
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning shrubbery
__ None
__ Other (please specify):____________________ |
| 8. |
Your God employs a limited degree of
Divine Intervention to preserve a balance between felt presence and
blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less
Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just
right
|
| 9. |
Your God also attempts to maintain a
balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to
5 your God's handling of the following: (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): |
| |
Disasters |
|
Miracles |
1 2 3 4
5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 |
Floods
Famine
Earthquakes
War
Pestilence
Plagues
Locusts
Windows Vista |
1 2 3 4
5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 |
Rescues
Spontaneous remissions
Stars hovering over towns
Crying statues
Water changing to wine
Water walking
Talking flaming shrubbery
VCRs that set their own clocks
|
| 10. |
Do you have any additional comments or
suggestions for improving the quality of GodCo's products and services?
(Please attach an additional sheet if necessary.)
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Thank you for your
participation in this survey.
For entry into
our Free Entry into Heaven drawing,
please
take this completed form to your nearest GodCo dealer today! |